Songs to write home about Vol: 1 (a parody album)

by The Stolen Stitches musical sideshow

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about

This is a mixture of my parody songs. Volume 1

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released September 8, 2015

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about

The Stolen Stitches musical sideshow Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania

A unique blend of dark humorous folk songs about the devil, mixed with real life Sideshow acts and some rag time piano..

Defiantly not your typical Wagon wheel folk punk

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Track Name: Old italian dressing
I guess I grew up as a carnivore
eating steak every night never need no salad fork

Till I found out the butcher shop had closed
bought out by vegetarians who moved in next door

well I grew up tall, I grew up lean
I swore after age 6 id never eat a green bean

But now im eating food that comes from the tree's
a little salad dressing tastes alright to me

Well thank you Newman's own Old Italian dressing
croutons in my salad I am eating in heaven
and ah, I ain't becoming no vegan ya see
but theme crisp old greens taste alright to me

Well thank you Newman's own Old Italian dressing
croutons in my salad I am eating in heaven
when I go to the salad bar I can't stay long
cus they'll kick me out after their greens are gone

After their greens are gone.....

So im at the salad bar
which dressing should I choose

got so many fresh veggies
man you know I can't lose

Never traveled so far until I ate this food
I swam in a thousand islands just this afternoon

well my plate is stacked as wide as can be
Picking any bright color that I can see

Im gonna throw some green inside of my jeans
theirs nutrition in my pants if you know what I mean

Well thank you Newman's own Old Italian dressing
croutons in my salad I am eating in heaven
and around here the dressing never runs dry
so you don't have to eat with those tear's in your eyes

Well thank you Newman's own Old Italian dressing
croutons in my salad I am eating in heaven
when I go to the salad bar I cant stay long
cus they'll kick me out after their greens are gone .
Track Name: Shave tonight
Go on and plug in that razor
cus no shave vember is ending for you

you and me and some shaving cream
and ill shave you tonight.....alright

well you know
this beard cannot stay

and how I wish, I wish it weren't so

So take this aftershave, and splash it on me
We'll turn the clippers to number three

Shave tonight
Lets shave the beard all off
no more stubble
tomorrow it'll be gone 2x

There's a line, on your body
runs from your chest, down to your pubes

five o clock shadows, are not desired
lets turn that clock back.....Maybe ta two?

Well it ain't easy, when the blade runs dry
darling please, don't start to cry

cus you know that back hair has got to go....oh
and lord I wish It wasn't so, but were gonna

Shave tonight
shave the beard all off
no more stubble
tomorrow it'll be gone 2x
Track Name: All about that bass ( no trout)
Because you know im all about that bass
bout that bass
No trout

Im all about that bass
bout that bass
no trout

Im all about that bass
bout that bass
no trout

Im all about that BASS
BASS BASS BASS

Ya its pretty clear
fishing's what I do

But I never pay for groceries
I live off god's food

Cus I got them blood balls that all the fishes chase
and ALL THE RIGHT REELS, IN ALL THE RIGHT PLACES

I read the magazines
live at bass pro shop

it's the only place I need
the only place I shop

if you got a bass master 7RG
then raise em up

cus of every inch of it is perfect
from the rod to tackle box

Ya you give a man a fish on a plate
he will eat for a day

But if you teach him to fish
all his troubles will melt away

And you know my girl don't like when I skip work and head down to the lake
But I don't hear no complaints when theirs seafood stacked on her plate

Because you know im
All about that bass
bout that bass
no trout 3x

I've got a BUCKET HAT!!!
it's where I keep my fishing license at

and you know im rocking waterproof
Boots and pants
Im here to tell you
when im walking down the street
you'll think im on deadliest catch

Cus you give a man a fish on a plate
he will eat for a day

but if you teach him to fish
all his troubles will melt away

And you know you don't have to ask
where ill be when 5 o clock calls

Just get on down in your truck
Meet me at that old fishing hole..

Because im all about that bass
Bout that bass
No trout

Im all about that bass
bout that bass
no trout 4x

got talking fish all over my place...ya
because im all about that bass, bout that bass.......
Track Name: I flew a sign ( the unofficial LATFO anthem)
Well I gotta new life
you would hardly recognize me Im so crass

eating from dumpsters
sleeping under bridges too

but im gonna travel
and get shitty face tattoos

Its an idea of mine

I FLEW A SIGN
MADE MONEY IN NO TIME
I FLEW A SIGN

NO USE COMPLAINING
WHEN I COULD BE SPANGING

I FLEW A SIGN
MADE MONEY IN NO TIME
I FLEW A SIGN

THIS IS THE LIFESTYLE I CHOOSE
TILL MY SEMEMSTER IN SPRING TIME

(TILL MY SEMESTER IN SPRINGTIME)

You know im so traincore
I don't even walk, its freight train all the time

don't know where im going
just know I got more punk points than YOU

under a dirty bridge
there's some experience points waiting for me

cus only true crustys got Hepatitus C

I FLEW A SIGN
BE ON LATFO IN NO TIME

I FLEW A SIGN
CARHART GEAR MATCHING
THE MAC BROOK PRO IM PACKING

I FLEW A SIGN
MADE MONEY IN NO TIME

I FLEW A SIGN

THIS IS THE LIFESTYLE
I CHOOSE
TILL MY SEMEMSTER IN SPRINGTIME


WELL I FLEW A SIGN
AND SOMEBODY GAVE ME A DIME
AND THEN A BAG OF FREE MCDONALDS FOOD

I SAID SPANGING ISNT.......A CRIME

I FLEW A SIGN
MADE MONEY IN NO TIME
I FLEW A SIGN

THIS IS THE LIFESTYLE I CHOOSE
TILL MY SEMESTER IN SPRING TIME